Escalating Comment Problems. My ''Attitude''.

This was meant to be posted a few days ago but I was leary on posting this as it seemed too personal and may have unforeseen repercussions. But I decided to post it anyway. If I feel uncomfortable or regretful about posting this, I'll take it down.

I will get right to the point. 

I have been noticing a particular observation I've made and it's been going on both online and offline for several years now but has escalated drastically in last several months and I feel I need to address it before things get way out of hand. This is probably giving me a negative reputation and making other people show subtle hatred of me or spread scurrilous gosip. The problem is my comments and people's reaction to them.

Now, this isn't a rant as that would be unprofessional. This is rather an answer journal to address this issue whenever it happens again. This isn't aimed to anyone even if you're actually one of the people who has had a problem with me. I explained why in notes already if you're one of those people, but this explains a little deeper. So I won't be calling anyone out since we simply had a simple misunderstanding in my perspective and isn't that much to make me call anyone out. It's all anonymous so don't even ask who I'm talking about. Besides, the problem is mostly myself and they don't deserve to get hostile comments.

For the last few months, I've been getting general despise for simply commenting or explaining things on people's deviations, my own deviantions, notes or even in real life. You may be asking "Okay so you've had some people dislike your commets, so what?". I really think this is a problem for both me and anyone who follows me or even talks to me in general. Recently I tried explaining a few things involving my viewpoint on a certain subject matter and it was regarded as aggressive and condescending. I wasn't intentionally trying to be this way but it apparently somehow came off as such. I took blame and held myself accountable, but I explained it wasn't intentional. But it still think its deleterious to people's opinion of me.

You are probably asking "Wasn't intentional? You don't be rude or condescending unintentionally, Jcyapha!" Well, I'll shed light on why it actually isn't intentional if you believe I'm wrong. 

Now this really trends on personal ground for me but I feel it is necessary to know in order to understand. Also please don't complain about it being "emo", "being immature", "self-loathing" or "wanting attention" as I think that would be disrespectful as I'm sharing an extremely personal problem I have daily for everyone to know, which takes a big leap of faith to do so as its just too personal. Plain and simple. I don't share personal issues online usually, but I trust that I can offer an honest explaination for my "attitude" without me getting ridculued for it. Complaining will only make me think thrice about sharing a personal problem online and may not do it ever again.

I want to talk about this as little as possible so let's get to the point. I'm antisocial. Not officially diagnosed, but I consider myself to be and my "friends" think so too. In real life, talking to people is a daily thing for most people, but for me, actually having a true conversation comes once in a blue moon and usually doesn't last long. I'm not talking about just saying hi or answering simple yes or no questions or responding to a comment, I'm talking about having an actual conversation. I don't really talk to anyone daily or even weekly in real life. The last time I held an actual conversation online that wasn't anything art or DeviabtArt related was back in November of 2016! Last time I had an actual conversation in real life that wasn't art related was June of this year!  That should tell you something. I just usually nod my head to answer peiples questions and don't talk or explain anything. However I usually do make small comments monthly on Deviantart or furaffinity because of an exchange I participate in. I have also tried to to hold an art related conversation back in August, but I guess I failed. However, replying to people's responses once, twice or thrice isn't really a conversation in my opinion so I just consider those well thought our responses and questions. No offense if any has been taken so far,

Some good news is that I'm currently holding an art related conversation with another member as I speak and they have been helping me with understanding other people's views and made me even add a section to this journal. which I greatly appreciate of them. 

Due to my lack of interaction with other people, its logical to assume that I don't have "social skills" which I think may be true. But I constantly observe people and how they interact and just can't seem to do it for myself. I can observe and know all I want, but actually trying to take action and talk is like having a shock collar on me every time I try to do it. I can't do it simply because my mindset is different then everyone else's. I don't understand why everyone has multiple things in common yet I only have one or barely five in common. I mean, I hate most movies, I hate almost all music, I hate junk food, I hate sports, I have no sense of humor, I can't really relate to anything people do, I hate everything my so called "gender role" says I must abide to and people sometimes try to push it on me, I'm the most monotonous person ever as said by people who know me, I'm not familiar with or I dislike anything most people like while they are unfamiliar with things I like, and the list goes on to exactly 1,461 big differences Ive noticed. 

Long story short, I seem to be the weirdest person ever as I feel everyone has multiple things to talk about while I have nothing.

This I believe made me that over time, I went from being lonely to prefering to be alone and trying to avoid people. I simply don't want someone by my side as I can't communicate properly. But that's a different story.

I actually don't have true friends. Any "friends" are really just acquaintances to me since we hardly ever talk. Heck they are even fine with that and they honestly say acquantences is a more suitable word. After all, they are the ones who said I'm the most boring person ever and I have to say that I agree.

I also noticed that I'm a really blunt and honest person, which can be construed as impudent and mean. I have had bad experiences with lying and I personally think from those experiences from lying gets you nowhere. When I was younger, I lied all the time, but after getting accused of things I actually didn't do, no one would believe my explanation and I got consequences for things I didn't do. Today, I can't lie easily and I'm always honest on my opinion. I think honesty is the "silver rule" as I call it since I think that if you disregard this rule, you will just bring consequences and repercussions on yourself just as ifbyou break the golden rule of respect. I think that I'd rather have people give me stares for being honest about something rather then going with an uncomfortable flow that happens when you fib and ends in a precipitous waterfall when the truth comes out. But my honesty is just a small part of my antisocial nature since lying I've noticed, also draws more attention to you then being honest. At least for me.

There are several other factors I believe I think may play a small part in my "attitude". These include: having no sense of humor, long informative responses, having a neutral and objective responses and giving out unnecessary information.

So...do I hate it being this way? No. As I've said, I would prefer the company of an empty room to even just a few people. But just because I'm a devoid of people doesn't mean I won't chat with you ocassionally. So just because I'm not social doesn't mean I hate everyone, but I may have communication problems.

Anyway, this may be a logical answer to why people see me as impertinent, opprobrious, aggressive, mean, arrogant and/or condescending yet I'm not intentionally trying to be so. I'm simply trying to explain something from how my mind processes it just like we all do. But almost every time I try to explain something or even comment, it somehow ends up as a ticket for me being hated or despised. (Of at least seen in a negative light.)

It really makes me demoralized and sad that people misunderstand my explanation for coming off as asshat when I'm not trying to be. It really bothers me since it's unnecessary scorn and despise.

But not everyone will hate me and I learned they're just defending their opinion too. So don't think I'm saying everyone does. Heck it could really just be a small minority who shows true despise or none at all. I just think people perceived me in a negative way.

I have a feeling that people may comment or note me on saying they can relate or understand or want to prove my point as erroneous. I don't request it but I won't hate you it if you do. You can even  say "Oh, you just need to learn to talk or learn social skills!" but I'm afraid that will be hard to do but I'm trying as hard as I can. :/

I have solutions to this though. I'll comment as little as possible. If I feel that making a comment or responding to one will only end up with me being seen in a negative light, I won't respond. And If I do respond, I'll try not to be seen as impudent or mean, but I don't know what exactly about my comments triggers people off. Heck, I have to freaking rely on emoticons to show that I mean well, but people seem to ignore those or think I'm just inserting random emotional faces.

Another solution is to provide a repetitive disclaimer message at the end of long responses to show I'm not intentionally trying to be mean but this will probably agitate people more then calm them by seeing that constant paragraph at the end of each of my responses.

But you can do the solution too by taking the extra mile and using this journal as a reference for explaining my responses and you can try to get used to the way I write. I plan on staying here for while and don't plan on leaving at all, so if you become a long time follower, I would request that you'd at least give this solution a shot. If it doesn't work out and yet you love my artwork, just don't talk to me and just favorite the art. After all, you shouldn't don't judge art by the artist.

So, finally got that off my chest as its been bothering me for a while. I hope everything makes sense, I hope you understand and I apologize if this journal even sounds impudent or condescending itself, as its not intentional. I also apologize if anything sounds weird, doesn't make sense or has typos, I apologize. I have to communicate via a cheap 2 inch by 3 1/2 inch burner phone.